Tuesday, 2 June 2009

Sexy, sexy tattoos, ripped arms and a contest winner! I'm exhausted just writing that

First order of business: Bow Chica Wah Wah won my followers contest. (Sorry Martini, I know you were hoping I’d rig it. Ha!) Hooray! I heart her. I heart all of you really and I have nine new followers since reaching my weird little goal, so more giveaways soon.

I will be contacting her about it and once she gets her lovely prize I will let you all know what it was. I don’t want to spoil the surprise!

Speaking of spoiling surprises, I realized that I can’t show you pictures of my tattoo because I found out that VC has read the blog and, although I am not so vain as to think he’s a regular reader now, I don’t want to spoil showing it to him by posting it here (also, in case you were wondering, he was so sweet and understanding about the whole “Yes, I write about you under a (kind of lame) false name on the internets” thing. I was hugely embarrassed when I confirmed he was reading. I have gushed a bit. And by a bit, I mean like wave pool at Six Flags kind of gushing. So for those of you whose SOs have given you a hard time about the blogging, pass it on). Anyway, finished product photos will have to wait until after I see him again in another week. (You can get a peak at all the pretty colors, as well as the instruments of torture and some gooey stuff on a stick, above.)

I finally really understand the warning some of you sent about tats being addictive. What is that? I swear I was sitting in that chair, basically allowing someone to give me the deepest, roughest rug burn ever – that did not even involved my behind and sex – and I could only think of where I might get another one.

For those of you who have never done this, it really doesn’t even hurt. When the needle first touches your skin, it’s like a shot, or a pin prick, but then, within just a few minutes it feels weirdly good. I closed my eyes, put Built to Spill on my iPod, and went to my happy place (where little people ninjas dance to big boisterous mariachi bands.) Lovely. Strangely erotic. I don’t get it.

At one point, REO Speedwagon did come on my iPod, which made me giggle, which made me nervous that the artist would go outside the lines. A cautionary tale. No REO during tatting.

Now that I have a sweet tattoo on my arm, I’m all inspired to tone up, for realz. I got the A-OK from my arm doc to actually start lifting weights and stuff again after the Great Break of 2009, so I no longer have an excuse to be lazy.

I mentioned to VC that I was planning on some sort of physical fitness endeavor and he said he and some officemates have embarked on the 100 push-up challenge.

Ugh. Push-ups.

So, I was the girl in gym class who feigned asthma so I didn’t have to run laps and was always “spraining my wrist” during volleyball (Sorry Ms. Lymber. Yeah, my gym teacher’s name was Lymber.)

I will walk on the treadmill, but only if I have music, television, and text messaging at my finger tips. And if I start sweating, I want to stop. There’s only one time this girl enjoys sweating and it’s been a long, long time since she’s partaken in that particular activity. (Sweet baby Jesus lying there in your ghost manger, do you hear me?)

I’m going to give the whole challenge thing a try though. I started last night. Let’s just say my consecutive number was much lower than I thought it would be (that’s what she said.) I’m using my still soft and weird right arm as a scapegoat.

I hope I’ll stick with this. I only lasted four days into Jillian’s 30-Day Shred, but seriously, there’s something maniacal about that woman. I’m feeling good about this plan working out. Anyone else try this? Or know another way to tone up my arms in a jiffy?

Do you guys think I write like an 87-year-old lady might speak? I mean other than blurting out “Ball Sack!” and “What the frack!”

Is it weird that I also crave tapioca pudding and chicken-fried steak? Kidding about that last part. I don’t even know what chicken-fried steak is. Although, let’s be honest, if I did, I’d probably eat it.


  1. Is it bad that I really want to make a that's what she said out of "I'm using my still soft and weird right arm as a scapegoat"?

    Can't wait to see the tattoo!

  2. I won?

    No freaking way! I never win shit....listen whatever it is I'm sure I'll love it...I don't say no to anything free :)



    The Winner! (yea boyeeeee)

  3. I've often wondered what Chicken Fried Steak is too....it's a mystery meat.

  4. Wait, is this like 100 push-ups a day? A week? Just once and then you're done forever? I think push-ups are OK, but so are weights...I mean, both will shape your arms. I don't know of a super quick way to do it though. Bicep implants?

    Also, a little tan goes a long way in terms of making one look more toned than they are. Maybe it's time to get hosed down with chemicals again.

  5. I am determined to get my first tattoo by 30, 2 years to go. I'll let you know about that. I want it down my spine. Now, this shan't be a tramp stamp, lets just get that clear. And yes, I just used the word shan't. With an apostrophe. Does that word HAVE an apostrophe? Ok, anyway, can't wait to see the new addition!

  6. OMG, Chicken fried steak is good. :) Sorry. Hehe. And I can't wait to see your tattoo!!! I have 3 and can't figure out where to get my next one. It's like the SECOND you get one you are already contemplating your next one. I don't know why!!!

    Speaking of 30 day shred... I've been wanting to try it. You don't recommend it though? I've heard both ways. Right about now I'm willing to do just about anything b/c I will very soon be shoving this white ass into a bikini and it ain't gonna be pretty...

  7. Yep, they're addictive. I have three, but I can list off at least 5 more that I'd like to get. Good luck with the gym.

  8. Shine: that is wrong. That is also why I like you.

    BCBB: You did it. You really did. Good job. Congratulations.

    Amy: Seriously.

    Martini: Yes, every day. And I'm totally doing it.

    Gemini: I want to use shan't more in everyday conversation.

    KEllie: The shred is certainly effective but I just hate it. It sucks my will to live.

    Ms. Scorpio: preaching to the choir, baby! Can't wait to share pics.