Wednesday, 5 August 2009

My mom is on Facebook. It is awful. Let me explain ...

Anyone who knows me knows that my mother has driven me both figuratively and literally crazy over the years.

She’s my mother. I love her. But she’s insane.

Now she’s on Facebook. One of the few places I thought I would be safe from her infiltrating my life.

A few days ago I saw her leave a message for a girl that was my very best friend in the whole wide world all through middle school, junior high, and high school.

We were like sisters. We dressed alike, dyed our hair weird colors together, pierced each others ears using safety pins and ice cubes.

That girl then proceeded to date the one boy everyone in the world knew I had a crush on for my whole life, and then slept with my very first real boyfriend, who I dated after I graduated and who I gave my most precious gift to. My flower, if you will. (I’m talking about my virginity, people.)

I uninvited that girl from my life party after about a year of her hurting me and doing things that most people think are pretty unforgiveable.

So what does my mom do? Friends her on Facebook and sends her love-dovey messages about how much she misses her.

Now they’re suddenly FB Besties, messaging back and forth.

What the what?

Then I see her leave a similar message for my ex-boyfriend.

“Hey sweetie. Miss you so much. SG’s sister will be in town soon and we’d love if you could photograph her and the baby.”


This is the woman who, when I practically divorced this guy three years ago (I say “divorce” because we had been dating nearly six years and had a house together and two dogs,) and I came to her crying and really distraught about the whole decision said, “Poor Ex Boyfriend. He must be so upset.”

Now they’re FB Friends Forever, too. I’m waiting for pictures of them wearing each other’s half heart necklaces.

And the kicker of this whole thing is that she actually posted a photo album called “My Life” and had about 20 pictures in it. My sister was there, my brother, his girlfriend, some 28-year-old girl named Bobbi Jo Sue Ann Mary or something from Wisconsin who she used to work with. Guess who wasn’t there? Me!

Some people worry about being FB friends with guys they’re dating, or friends from high school, or guys they used to date, etc. My worst FB nightmare has turned out to be my very own mother.

There are people in this world you will never quite understand. Never quite get along with, no matter how hard you try. It’s sad when one of those people is the same person who pushed you out of her vag 30 years ago. You’d think there’d be an assumed closeness that went with all of that.

I’ve been trying for a very long time to have the kind of bond with my mom that I see some of my girlfriends have with theirs. Going shopping. Getting pedis. Scrapbooking. But I don’t like those things. Well, pedis are aight.

The thing is, my mom likes Aerosmith. This just about sums up why we’re not friends. Kidding. Kind of.

Maybe some of us are just not meant to be friends with our parents. I gave it the college try. After 30 years, I think it’s OK to stop trying so hard. I’m not saying I want to be estranged or anything, I just want to not feel bad about the fact that I don’t particularly like spending a lot of time with her and I don’t want her to know the details of my life.

Is that POSSIBLE?!?

Feedback. Do any of you have rough relationships with the ’rents. How do you deal?

(P.S. Just a reminder: It is Limerick Wednesday. Keep ‘em coming  Would haikus be easier? I rock the haiku.)


  1. I have a not good parents relationship. My mother has called me 1 time in a year. Living in NY she feels there is a barrier that she can not cross by the telephone. Whenever we do talk all she does is talk about my sister, my sister's kids and her work. Hates talking about me. It makes me sad, but just like you, I have decided that I am not her fav person, she will never understand me and will never be as proud of me as she is my sister (just cause she is married and has kids).
    Don't fret, my relationship with my mom is strained too. You are a great person and that is all that matters.

  2. If I had been drinking milk when I read this, I would've snorted it out my nose. I'm sorry to laugh at your pain, but girl, you're funny.

    This sucks, tho. I would be so, so mad if my mom did these things to me. I think you're right to not try so hard anymore.

    Also, a new limerick for you. It's pretty lame.

    There once was a boy who loved to doodle
    and eat meals of pasta and struedel
    but his friends were all snitches
    and though he shouted, "back off, bitches,"
    they always left him with only one noodle.

  3. Limerick - I am terrible at it...but here you go!

    Arizona in August is hot.
    It makes me long for my hippy days and smoking pot.
    Long days and hot nights. Hooking up and breaking up before the morning light.
    Keggers in the woods, sleeping real late, enjoying life in an altered state.

  4. that's the worst! i'm so sorry. i'm lucky that my mom is technologically impaired and she's also pretty cool. maybe you should just block her and then you won't have to be tortured by all that no goodness. dunno.

    i am no good at poems. i will save you that ordeal :)

  5. I think the generation after ours started this my-mom-is-my-BEST-FRIEND bull, and I, for one, don't buy into it. My mom is my mom. She's annoying and inappropriate and loves to make me feel guilty and I will never understand her and she listens to Yanni. But our moms love us -- just not in the same, clear way as our friends do. It's a more roundabout way.

    I'd probably pretend like I didn't know how to accept a friend request if my mom joined the 'book.

  6. I have lots of thoughts on this.

    My mom and I have recently started to have a relationship. But for the first 29 years of my life, things were rough.

    Her philosophy on raising me was this: "You're going to have to listen to people say mean, horrible things about you, so they might as well come from your mother first."


    Finally, at the ripe old age of almost 30, I decided this: No matter what, she's always going to be my mom. And it's important to me to have a relationship with her. Even if that means I have to let her bullshit slide off my back. (As much as is possible) I basically had to sit her down and say, "Having a relationship with you is important to me, but for that to happen, you have to want to know me as the me I am, not the me you want me to be or the me you think I am or the me I was when I was fifteen. You have to respect me, just like I have to respect you. If you can't let me be me and stop picking at everything I do, this won't work." And she agreed to try. So now we have dinner once a week. We even talk and stuff.

    Having said that, if my mom were running around being pleasant to people who had hurt me so badly, I'd probably not want to speak to her either. My mom is nothing if not fiercely protective of other people hurting me (she doesn't really see a problem doing it herself...). It doesn't sound like your mom really lives in reality with the rest of us, so I can imagine that makes talking to her quite difficult.

    In other news, MY STEP-DAD, who I hate with a fiery passion, joined Twitter, found me, found my blog, started reading it, and told my mom about it. I died a little that day. Additionally, it was the day there was a picture of the giant bruise on my ass.

    Good luck, SG. It will work itself out somehow. I know it will.

  7. I have a similar relationship with my mom, SG. She didn't drink til she graduated college, never smoked weed, waited til she was married to "give away her flower", and expected me to act the same way.

    Thank God my dad was around to tell me about his fraternity partying, pot smoking days and relate to me during my teen years or I think I would have gone insane.

    Ever since I broke up with my boyfriend of two years (which happened more than a year ago and who my mom thought I was going to marry), she likes to throw in comments about how much she misses him and how I'm never going to find anyone who treats me as well as he did.

    Gee...thanks, Mom. That decision wasn't hard enough without you telling me I made the wrong one.

    And now, she wants to join facebook but doesn't know how. I'm praying no one gives her a "how-to" lesson.

    I feel for ya, SG. Know that we all heart you!

  8. Erin - that's frustrating. I think, no matter what parents say, they really do have favorites. Therapists will never run out of work :)

    Plushroom Soup - thank you. I try. I really do. And I like your noodle limerick.

    Erin - Thanks for participating. I'll have to get you up there with the All Stars!

    mylittlebecky - Block her? Will she know I've done this. Must investigate ...

    Martini - Thanks! I'm sure she does, even if it's in the most narsissitic way possible.

    Shine - Thanks for the super thoughtful reply! I've missed ya 'round here. Sorry to hear allll that, but it makes me know I'm not alone. And that sucks about your blog. I would DIE.

    Miss Procras - I feel your pain! And how was vacation??

  9. Once my mom gets on Facebook I'm tapping out.

    of life.

  10. I've been out of town (in Sturgis) so I'm just now catching up. That sucks about your Mom. Sometimes it's just not worth the effort though. I'm a firm believer in picking your battles and it seems this is one she just won't let you "win" so to speak. So yeah, be her daughter but there is no need to be her friend. At least I don't think so.

    Also, Aerosmith was at Sturgis and Steven Tyler fell off the stage and broke his collarbone! I WISH I would have seen it. But we heard all about it! :)

  11. RS - I've considered that. Check out my FB page for the latest episode of When Your Family Obviously Hates You. Pictures from when I was an ugly child.

    Kellie - Missed ya. Looks like you had a blast in Sturgis. And my life would have been complete if I had seen that. I could have tapped out, as rs has suggested.