Friday, 22 May 2009

The Blow Off: Sensitive or Selfish? And Virtual Crush arrives today!!!

First, I want to take care of a little housekeeping so none of you think I’m going back on my promises.

I can’t find the perfect giveaway prize, despite my best efforts, so I’ve decided to compile a little goodie bag of things for the lucky winner. I’ll be entering all of your names unless you e-mail and say you don’t want to participate – which is madness because I am an awesome gift giver! And an incredibly modest person!!! Sorry to the last five people who joined, but I did say the first 20, so 20 it is. There will be more presents in the future, I swearz.

I will not be writing a blog for at least the next three days. I plan to spend every moment of them in nerdy bliss with my new beau, showing him around Phoenix and stuff. Can’t wait. I can’t remember the last time I’ve been so excited about anything not involving booze (which is not to say there will not be obscene amounts of drinking this weekend, let’s just be honest. My refrigerator is filled with the following: beer, Slim-fast, fruit punch, cheese, film. Should I be concerned about first impressions of my place by Virtual Crush?) I’ve been watching the clock all day and it’s driving me bonkers.

In the meantime, I’ve been thinking about the excellent point rs27 raised in commenting on my last blog and I’d like to put it out there to all of you.

My last blog was meant to be slightly cheeky in the whole “heartbreaker” theme. If you read the blog regularly you probably know I’m a nerd who dates very little. I have gone out with a couple of guys that continue to call me, though, and now that I’m seeing someone, I thought I should let them know.

However, one poor schmuck had been kind of hanging on like a leech there for awhile, even though he was getting the big blow off from me and I just couldn’t bring myself to lay it out there for him.

See, in my opinion, the blow off is a gentle way of letting someone know what’s up (that’s what she said?) I, personally, don’t want to be told, “Hey, I don’t really like you” to my face, so I guess I’ve assumed others don’t either.

If someone just never calls me again, I can cushion my self-esteem with all sorts of delusions, like “Hey, maybe he met the girl of his dreams and they eloped the day after our date.” Or, “Maybe he was abducted by aliens/gypsies/ninjas/etc.” or “Maybe he was in a terrible accident and can no longer dial telephones.”

But then again, I also don’t continue to call someone who NEVER calls me back for months and months. I get the net. Apparently, others are not so quick.

I usually reserve “I’m not into you” talks for people I’m actually dating and for stalkers, like TDAH.

So my question is: Is the blow off a sensitive way to let someone down, or just a selfish way of not having to deal with someone you’ve gone out with (or, as in someone’s case, randomly made out with)? Discuss, discuss.


  1. Who hasn't been blown off or done the blowing....oh, that didn't come out right. It is fine - and if it isn't - who cares! You are too fab to worry about that.

  2. Guys point of view. I just would like to know so I don't look like a desperate schmuck.

    Looks like I've ruined that.

    Desperation is thy name.

  3. Well Ive been blown off by guys , the difference is I can see it before it actually comes , so I blow them off first. Maybe its the idea that guys think all girl play hard to get? Maybe they dont see the difference between playing hard to get and a girl just plainly blowing you off.

  4. Erin -- why thank you!

    RS -- yes, yes it is. (JK) Thanks for the post idea.

    pizzacravings -- I think you're onto something. That's what I was thinking when I said "get the net!" And welcome to commenting!!

  5. I've always adhered to the "if you haven't been out more than three times, you don't owe anyone an explanation" theory. Then again, I can't even remember the last guy I even made it to three dates with. ;)

  6. Well one dude I went out once asked me to meet him the next day, I told him I didnt think it was a great idea since I hadnt had much fun taht day (I was rude I know!). Well the jackass told me:"Ïts ok ! You dont have to play hard to get, I knoww all the girls play hard to get before they put out". My jaw dropped to the floor and I couldnt believe I met this guy at CHURCH!!!
    So really if he dosent get it, just put it as simple and rude as possible.

  7. I think the blow off is perfectly acceptable, I have blown off many guys in the past (wait - what?) you know what I is totally selfish but sometimes cannot be avoided. In the end it is the best thing for both people involved, but you just have to pray that you never run into the blowee if you're the blower, ya dig?

  8. I have been the supreme queen of blowing off and then blaming my inability to commit until I'm blue in the face. I completely agree with "Always a Bridesmaid" on the 3 date thing....if they call for a 4th and you're not feelin it then there's no need to feel bad about blowing them off. And random makeouts usually involve large amounts of alcohol so just blame the vodka :) No need to feel guilty AT ALL!

  9. I have to say, I think honesty is pretty much always the best policy. And that if you don't at least find some way to communicate "I'm just not interested." you're kind of taking the easy way out and more concerned with your own discomfort than with the other person's feelings.

    It's okay to be gentle and subtle. Until gentle and subtle don't work. But think how much of a fool you would feel if you genuinely believed that someone was "just busy" or whatever. Not that you would. Us people who have been around the old dating block a couple of times generally don't. I think it's better to just get it out there. As straight-forwardly as possible.

  10. It's not sensitive, because the other person does not know you're done with them. I have unintentionally failed to return calls for months at a time and persistence by the other person rescued the situation.

    That having been said, I think it's difficult to assign "selfish" to motives of another person; it assumes I know why they are doing something, which I clearly cannot know.

    I do think it is a poor choice. Optimists will always wonder if maybe you just got busy again and maybe this time they'll answer...

    In humble but arrogant opinion, the only responsible thing to do is to at least return the call once and say "I trust you will honor my request that you not try to contact me again."

    Two cents and all that rot.