Friday, 1 May 2009

Online dating – Why I’m seriously going to be single FOREVER

So, just for shits and giggles I decided to enter a query at one of those match making sites today (No free advertisement for them – you’ll see why in a minute.)

Martini and I had talked about it lately due to our delirium from the fact that neither one of us has had sexual relations with anyone in a very, very long time.

Her (casually, as I was cooking us dinner a few nights ago. Yes, us. We’re pretty much dating.): Would you ever consider online dating?

Me: I just said I would!

Her: When?!?

Me: The other night when we were whoring it up slinging drinks at that adult frat party surrounded by men who were all married, engaged, or ugly. I said ‘I’m signing up for’ and you said ‘Don’t!’

Her: Yeah, well, maybe we should …

Me: (sigh) Yeah …

Sad, sad silence.

So today, I signed on and entered some search criteria out of curiosity. My requests weren’t too crazy (at least I don’t think so.) You know, the usual must make $500,000, be ripped, and speak five languages kind of stuff.

Kidding. I’m so lack-of-sex crazed right now I basically said he could have 10 gerbils, live with mom, be 55 and dress in women’s clothes on the weekends.

Guess what came up in a metropolitan area of 6 million people? Zero returns. ZERO returns!!!

I know this will offend some of you. Trust me, I looked, so I’m not judging. And I have a best friend who found her husband on this exact site and they are very happy. But we all know those sites are populated by thousands of gigantic loser and apparently not one of them is a match for me.

I need to go home and binge eat and drink myself into a stupor. Yay Friday.


  1. Haha...oh, sorry. Not funny.

    And THIS is why we can't do online dating! We cannot narrow down our ideal men through categories and subcategories!

    Don't worry, the universe evens out. We're in the ying and our yang is coming. I feel it. And in the meantime, I will arrive with reinforcements in the form of chardonnay soon.

  2. No. It actually is really funny. And sad. See, it's one of those funny-sad things I'm always pointing out.

  3. THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!!!! Thank gawd I'm not alone! LOL

    And thank god it's freakin friday!

    Cheers to forever single!

  4. Damn! What happened to meeting some guy at a bar, getting drunk, getting laid and then falling in love. Man, weren't the old days great. Freaking online dating.

  5. Check out another but unique 100% free online dating at

  6. dating. A friend talked me into it a few years ago. Suffice to say, I had plenty of entertaining stories to tell about the freaks I met.

    Of course, it's entirely possible that I'm just a magnet for freaks.

  7. I completely feel you. I've done the whole online dating thing, too, and while I have yet to find my soul mate or anything close to it, I have met some amazing (and not so amazing) people. I've also got a ton of great stories to tell, and have also had a lot of fabulous meals and one night stands as well. =) But I completely get your hesitation. The first time I checked out one of those dating sites, I cried at how pathetic I felt. =(

  8. OMG, my sister did one of those before and had men sending her pictures of their dicks within hours. I shit you not. Filled w/ pervos. Ick.

  9. ha, there are seriously some doozies out there.

    and believe me, ive dated my way through a bunch of them, finally to land upon the manfriend ive been seeing now for 6 months, which believe it or not is a record for me seeing as how i was always a notorious ship jumper circa date 3 or 4. so i mean, i guess it can work for some!

  10. Martini - I think I can narrow it down to catergories, I just think I can't find someone who fits in them!

    Court - Cheers? Not today. Today "Boo!" to single forever. Check back another time.

    Gemini - See today's post if you want to know what happens when SG goes to a bar to meet a guy. Hickys. Hickys happen.

    Propeller - maybe another time. Disillusioned now.

    Shine - you and me both.

    valley Girl - that makes me feel better. Spanx!

    Kellie - NO WAY! That's kind perverted but also a little intriguing.

    brookem - thanks for the encouragement. :)